apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
