So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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