yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
