Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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