she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize