the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
