He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
