Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
