1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
