Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
