Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
