Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
