Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
