RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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