Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
