it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
