i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
