I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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