Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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