Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
