Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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