32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
