More tranny stories later!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
