morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We left the knife in your bed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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