I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
