I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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