It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
