I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
where are you?
Hypothermia
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
