there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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