I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
