I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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