thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
