At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
