He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
