it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize