i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
