Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
