two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
