apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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