So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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