I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pants are for mortals
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