so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
