so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
