the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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