And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
