My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
These tits shall not be calmed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
