I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
