That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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