Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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