She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
