69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
