Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
