She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
