I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
