how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
