remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
