I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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