the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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