I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
