This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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