we're chasing vodka with high fives
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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